I found my 6th grade English teacher Ms. Clara Goldberg , from Lynbrook North Middle School on Facebook!  She “made” us memorize the poem “Eldorado” by Edgar Allen Poe.  I chose the use of the term “made” to hopefully help you to envision the facial expressions  of a  classroom of 11 years old when presented with this as a homework assigment.  Did we do it? Yes, we did. Did we understand it? I doubt it. What I can tell you is that this homework assignment was the “ultimate learning moment” in my life only I didn’t recognize it as that until this morning when Ms. Goldberg replied to my Facebook message asking if she was indeed the Ms, Goldberg that I was looking for.  Did Ms. Goldberg assign it with the intention of  being the perfect “teaching moment”? I have no clue.  

I have been blessed or some will say cursed with a photographic memory.  I remember some of my classmates agonizing at the thought of having to memorize such a long poem.  I remember Ms. Goldberg giving us other fun assignments as well.  We got to bring in our favorite album. Yes, album as in record album. The 12 inch piece of black vinyl that we used to listen to music. With the risk of dating myself I remember bringing in Billy Joel, The Stranger because it had just been released. I remember Steve bringing in Supertramp. Our assignment was to pick our favorite song off the album, copy the lyrics and explain what they meant to us. 

To be continued…..

Most people hear of “The Hamptons” and the first thing they think of is celebrities, sun & money.  Not necessarily in that order. Yes, it’s wonderful place to live, but if anyone really spent any decent amount of time here they would realize that it’s a completely different world to the locals.  Yes, we have the best beaches, the best restaurants, blah, blah, blah! Would you ever in a million years think that it’s almost impossible to get decent healthcare?  Of course you wouldn’t.  But it is! I can tell you first hand being that my Father passed away Monday morning in Southampton Hospital and they DIDN’T CALL ME!  (feel free to scream now) My Father was admitted last week by Hospice at my request because he was in pretty bad shape. ( We won’t mention right now that a lot of that had to do with almost 2 years of improper health care at 2 of the local nursing homes.) He was awake for the first 2 days and then he started to crash and fast. My son and I were lucky enough that he was awake last Saturday and we were able to spend the entire day with him reminiscing the happier moments of our lives.  Sunday I knew in my heart that the day before had been his last hurrah. Monday morning started out just like any other manic Monday in our lives.  My son and I got up at 6 am, both complaining that it was still dark out and as usual asking why every Monday just can’t be a Holiday so we can have off.   I went to work with my son in tow. I work at the school he goes to so I’m lucky enough to be able to bring him in with me in the morning.  At about 10:45 am I ran out to my car to get something and saw the Nurses Aide from Hospice outside the school. She had stopped in to see her husband who happens to work at the school. I took the opportunity to run over and give her a well deserved hug and thank you for making the extra effort to take such good care of my Father .  She went up to the hospital just about every day to give him a bath, a shave, etc. and most important make him comfortable.  How she visits with patients that she knows are dying on a daily basis is beyond me. She’s a wonderful woman, and she’s left more of a mark in my life than many.  She told me that she was on her way to go see Dad at the Hospital.  About 20 minutes later she was standing at the back door. I ran to let her in and by the look on her face I knew it wasn’t going to be good news.  I opened the door and  asked her what happened and if he was gone. She said yes, and asked me if they had called me. As I began to sob and scream I told her no, they hadn’t! I asked her what had happened. She said  that she had gone up to see Dad and as she was getting to his room she was asked by Hospital Staff where she was going. She told them room 2xx to see Mr. O. They told her that he had passed away that morning. She asked them if they had called me and they said NO! They said that they had called Hospice.  They asked her of they should call me and she said no, that she would come and get me. I told her to wait and that I had to go grab my son out of class. I knew if I didn’t take him with me I would probably leave there in handcuffs. Driving to the Hospital I clearly understood the meaning of the expression “see red” . I marched myself down the hall to Dad’s room and as I passed the Nurse’s Station they all seemed to just look the other way.  I walked in and just lost it. I asked the Aide to get a Supervisor because I wasn’t leaving until someone explained to me how such a f*ckup could have happened. The Supervisor came in with I guess another Nurse and his response to my hysterical questioning of how my Father could have died at 9:10 am ( That was the time he was prounounced-and in my opinion who eknows whether that’s accurate.  He could have been gone before that and  that was just when they bothered to take notice.) and at now 11 something I still hadn’t been notified.  He proceeded to tell me that it was a communication error and that he was sorry.  Are you kidding me? Sorry?  I wish he was kidding! I told him that his explanation was completely unacceptable and that they needed to get their act together before they do this to anyone else and that sorry just didn’t cut it.  What if I hadn’t seen the Hospice Aide while she was at my job? She wouldn’t have known to come and get me and I would have gone up to see Dad after work at 2pm and there would have been no one in his room, What would they have done then? By then I had to get my poor son out of the room because my Father looked horrible and I knew they had to take him out of his room. 

My Father’s death was hard enough to swallow but not letting me know was enough to make me choke. All I can say is The Hamptons are a wonderful place to live BUT if you dare to get sick while you’re here you need to run fast! If anything happens to you your family will never know about it!

There aren’t many out there who don’twant to see the new sequel in The Batman series. I, myself being one of them. I was watching CNN last night and since then have been wondering why someone always has to throw a cold water balloon on my parade. There was a Psychologist analyzing Batman! Of all the people to pick apart, Batman? If he wanted to pick apart someone that everyone is familiar with how about the nudnick sitting in The Oval Office? The candidates looking to fill his seat in November? Nope! Batman! He proceeded to elaborate that Batman is terribly OCD because he is fixated on righting every wrongdoer he can find.  Is there anything wrong with that? Does this mean that every member of the NYPD has OCD? ( that would be the nicest label that you could pin on most of them) I personally don’t find anything wrong with someone who wants to put an end to evildoers.  If I had it my way Batman would have handled my divorce instead of my attorney. He’s certainly much sexier in black latex than I could picture almost anyone else that I could choose to represent me in a court of law.  I know that anyone who has ever hired an attorney is getting a visual on their own attorney in black latex right now. Not a pretty picture , now is it?  The Shrink continued to explain that Batman has issues in his love life. Who doesn’t?  Why does society feel the need to ruin the man who was and I’m sure still is a hero to children across America since 1939? Is The Shrink aware that The Dark Knight Halloween costume in children sizes is already sold out and it’s only July? I bet the adult sizes are sure to follow. 

Well, tomorrow night I am taking my 7 year old son and my 85 year old Father to see the movie.  I will be ogling the sexy man in black latex, my son will be cheering on his hero, and my Father will be seeing the latest episode of something he has been watching since he is 17 years old and considers to be a classic.  The three of us will undoubtedly have much more fun than The Shrink did. Makes me wonder what Batman would think of him.

My Father was discharged from The Westhampton Care Center on Tuesday. Now it being 3 days later, I’m still wondering why they sent him home before his Medicare time was up.  Was it because he slept with his light on and 3 other patients left his room because it bothered them? Was it because I questioned every little thing and was on top of everything going on? Was it because he was really 100% ready to come home? I’m not leaning towrds agreeing with the latter.  On 4th of July I had to call and question the D.O.N. – not my idea of fun. Of course since it’s a holiday no one can get back to me until Monday. I’m hoping that all the conversations I will be having on Monday will not result in me having to call the NY State Nursing Home complaint line, not that they are a stranger to me. Calling them last year because of my Mother and Father and the conditions and treatment they received at The Hamptons Center in Southampton, NY accomplished everything I wanted it to UNTIL my Mother passed away last July and NY State dropped the ball. Surprised? I’m not. Nursing homes not only in NY but in all other states get away with murder. LITERALLY!  I will attempt to remain calm ( yeah, right!) and enjoy my holiday weekend and will post on Monday to let everyone know whether or not to look for me on the 11 o’clock news Monday night. Until then, Have a Great 4th of July!

UGH!!! I do NOT understand why there are still cases of salmonella popping up from tomatoes. I can’t for the life of me figure out why the FDA seems to be doing everything they can to just scare the sh*t out of people with all of their reports when they should be telling the public what to do to prevent it. Are they getting a kickback from the treatment of every new case reported?  Was the sale of certain kinds of tomatoes going down? The bottom line is that the salmonella virus does not live INSIDE a tomato! The virus is on the skin of the tomato. How did it get there? Well, it’s actually pretty simple. Most of the fields where tomatoes are grown are located in-well let’s just be nice and say that tomatoes are not grown on The Miracle Mile or The Upper East Side.  They are grown on farms in areas where the help that is hired to pick them is probably being paid $5 a day to pick them. Are you getting it yet? There is NO indoor plumbing in the middle of a farm is there? So there ya’ go! You hire some poor slob to go out in a field in 97 degree heat, with no place to go to the bathroom or wash his/her hands. You now have someone who relieves him/herself in the field and since I don’t think the Charmin bear delivers the odds are that only the Good Lord knows what they’re using to clean up with after-if anything at all! Handwashing is probably not even an option. This is how it gets on the skin of your favorite salad tomato. So, just how do we get rid of it? All it would take to rid the poor tomatoe of this godawful virus would be to wash it with soap and water BEFORE you slice it.  As I said, the virus lives on the skin of the tomatoe ( or any other fruit or veggie ) and it is only spread to the inside of the tomatoe when you slice it!  All the FDA needs to do is inform people that if they wash their fruits and veggies properly before eating them they are almost guaranteed that they will kill the salmonella and be able to enjoy their meal.  Why keep blaming the poor little red guys? Blame the morons who are too lazy to wash them after they buy them!The one thing that never occurred to me was to wash the skins of melons, such as watermelon, honeydew and such. The same applies to them as it does to the poor victimized tomatoe.   Well, I eat tomatoes 5 out of 7 days a week ( another one of my addictions ) and haven’t stopped eating them.  I used to use that Vegetable Wash solution but I found that it left a vile tasting residue no matter how long I rinsed it so I just use Lemon Joy or whatever I’m washing my dishes with at the time. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly a scare is spread but the publicity of the solution is always far behind. Well, I’m off to make a tomatoe & mozzarella salad so it will be ready for dinner tomorrow! Someone has to show the poor toamtoes that they are still loved!

I will stop my rant after this last statement.  My son came home sick, sunburned, and with a lovely red rash.  Some things never change!

It is now 4 pm on Monday. Memorial day.  I did let my son go camping so that I would never have to hear that I didn’t. He wasn’t too thrilled, but I did my best to convince him to go. The thought of missing 3 karate classes, 3 barbecues, and the parade was upsetting to him.  Silly me convinced him theat since he hasn’t seen his father in quite a while ( his own doing as usual ) that he should go and he would have a wonderful time.  He decided he would go because he wants new Pokemon Cards that  I refuse to buy him, and by putting a guilt trip on Dad his father buys him whatever he wants.  Am I happy about it?  Right now I would rather put pepper in my eye than make that decision again.  KOA finally decided to tell me that he wouldn’t be bringing him home until 4 pm today.  I specifically told him that it was unacceptale and he needed to be home by 2 pm because we have to be somewhere Monday afternoon.

Fast forward to NOW.  Once again, it is 4pm on Monday. I received one phone call from my son all weekend.  Yesterday at 12 noon he called to say hi, he was chewing gum and he would see me on Monday.  ( I do not allow him to chew gum ) His father never got on the phone to say a word. When he’s with wife #4 he barely speaks to me.  When he picks up and drops my son off alone he gets out of the car and rambles on and on.  I realized at 12 noon today that I still hadn’t heard from them. I thought that I would wait and see when I would get a call telling me that they were almost here. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, 12, 12:30, 1:00, 1:30, 2:00 ( the time I told him he needed to have my son home by ), 2:30, 3:00. Still no call. At 3:15 i called him and asked where he was. He said they were getting to the GW Bridge.  I can’t even explain the rush of anger I felt just then. Did he think I was kidding when I said 2 pm? Apparently he did. I told him that he was crazy, and I’m so angry that I could spit ( too bad  I don’t know how to ).  Right now I wish I did. The GW Bridge is about 90 minutes from here.  On Memorial day it is about 3 hours from here!!!! I proceeded to explain to him notsonicely that I am sick and tired of him just doing whatever he feels like doing. This is what he does al the time. His visitation is every other weekend from Friday at 5 to Sunday at 6. He NEVER picks him up on Fridays, and on Saturday morning he’ll call around 10am to say he’s coming by 12 or 1pm. Either way he’s never remotely on time.  He’s past due over 360 days on money that he owes me yet he can afford a camping trip and a christening for his 4th kid.  I turned down several full time summer jobs beacuse after I lay out the money for my son’s summer camp he is required by law to reimburse me within 10 days. He never does. He still owes me money due on 1/1/07.  He should have never had a 4th child if he couldn’t afford one. ( The method to his madness to be discussed at another time. ) It’s bad enough that my son goes from a 1600 sq. ft. home in The Hamptons to a 2 bedroom apartment in Queens occupied by my ex, his wife, her mother, and her brother. Her cousin was living there also until recently.   The only one with a job is the KOA himself.  He is supporting all of these people and I have to whistle Dixie until the cows come home to get the money he owes me.

Am I surprised that he’s late? Am I surprised that he didn’t bother to have the decency to call and tell me he was late? Am I surprised that after I lost it and hung up on him he called me back with another yet stuttering failed attempt to make excuses? No I’m not. Happens every time! Only this time he gets no points for consistency, and I will be filing a violation in court this week for all the money he owes me, and that he took my son out of NY State without my permission ( Oh! Sorry! He forgot to mention to me that he was taking my son to PA.) Makes you feel safe with cops like him around, doesn’t it?

Did I mention that he was the King of Assholes? When Albert Einstein said ” Insanity is doing the same thing over & over again and expecting different results” was he talking about me? Did he know that as I speak to my ex my mantra is ” I cannot have a normal intelligent conversation with someone who is not normal or intelligent” ? Why do I continue to try and rationalize with my ex-husband? Do I really think that one day he will step up to the plate, grow a set of balls at least half the size of mine and do right by his children? Not unless Satan needs to borrow my mink!   I do always try and give everyone the opportunity to do the right thing before I blast them though.  I’m one of those people who is completely OCD about doing things right the first time so I have no regrets and never have to waste my precious time doing them over again. I was married to my exact polar opposite.  My ex is now married to his 4th wife and they now have his 4th child.  My son is his 3rd child and other than the new one the only one of his kids he keeps in touch with.  He now has 3 daughters and one son.  I honestly believe that the only reason he bothers with my son is because he is his only SON.  Obviously his ability to communicate with anyone on any level minus a badge & a gun leaves much to be desired.  To an outsider he is the nicest guy in the world, live with him and it’s a different story.  Typical alcoholic behavior.  Did I mention he’s a member of the NYPD? Surprised? I didn’t think so. After not bothering with my son for 2.5 years he finally decided to see him. This came about after my begging and pleading for him to e a part of our son’s life.  Hindsight being 20/20 I realized that his efforts to see my son were probably due to the fact that his new wife (  a fencejumping 25 year old ) probably wanted children.  Ding! Ding! Ding! I was right! Of course he had to prove to her that he is such a good father ( for no other purpose than entertainment ask his other 2 daughters about that).  Week after week would go by and no word from him at all.  Finally, I get a message last night that he wants to pick my son up Friday night ( his visitation states that but he usuaslly waits to get him on Saturday) .  I of course do not call him back since the last 2 times I tried to call him there was no option to “press 1 for english” and I could not understand the woman who answered his cell phone.  I thought I had accidentally pressed 2 for Spanish so just for giggles I tried it again. Nope! There were no options for english, so I never called him again.  He called me again tonight and said that he had to pick him up tomorrow because they were going camping. I told him Friday was our late night since we have karate and them we need to go visit my Dad in rehab ( physical rehab-not Lohan rehab) and we don’t get home until after 8.  Of course this answer prompted the whining. “Oh, I haven’t seen him in a long time, I wanted to take him camping like last year ( which means he will bring him home sick as he always does), everyone is so good to him” BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!  First of all, he wants to take him CAMPING? HELLO? McFly? My son is about as thrilled with the thought of camping as I am. We live in The Hamptons, my son is more than likely still suffering from the culture shock of last year’s  impromptu camping trip.  ”Everyone” is the Fencejumper, sister #3,  my convicted felon ex-brother in law, his psycho bitch wife and their spawn who my son is not a big fan of.  His family takes the fun out of dysfunctional.  I said it would be ok, ( while gritting my teeth ) as long as he was home on time on Sunday being that if I let him go he would be missing all the festivities that we already had planned for this weekend.  That was when he told me he wasn’t coming home until Monday afternoon. Gee, when was he going to spring that on me?  Sunday night at 8 when I would already be on my way to the SH Police Station to report my son missing after he wasn’t home at 6 like he was supposed to be? It’s really difficult for me to hold my tongue (ok, let’s make that a living miracle) .  It never ceases to amaze me that he just thinks that he can pop in and of my son’s life whenever he feels like it.  Thank God the child is pretty resilient to the nonsense that he has to deal with when he goes to his Dad’s. If anything it makes him appreciate me and the life we have a little more than he did before. Will I ultimately let him go? I’m not sure yet. We’ll see which side of the bed I wake up on tomorrow. Maybe yes, maybe no. I’ll keep you posted, I’m sure I’ll have an earful.

Until then I hope you all have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend, and if you get bored, come on out to The Hamptons! Never a dull moment here!

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl  ’Will you marry

me?’ The girl said:

’NO!’

And the girl lived happily ever after and went

shopping, dancing, camping,

drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had

to cook, did whatever

the hell she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat,

traveled more, had many

lovers, didn’t save money, and had all the hot water

to herself. She went to

the theater, never watched sports, never wore

friggin’ lacy lingerie that

went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried

or yelled, felt and

looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all

the time.

The End

No joke! There is nothing worse than a man wearing low rise jeans. I don’t care how Metrosexual you are-it’s just not flattering ( unless you are B.F.) What happened to the men who wear Levi’s?  Did they die with the Marlboro man?